Online Relationships

Online Relationships

The Internet has so many great aspects and functions that it is utilized every single day, by thousands and thousands of people, for millions of reasons, in so many ways. One of the popular systems the Internet has to offer is online dating. Along with online dating comes chat rooms, e-mails, picture profiles, etc. that all lead up to getting to know someone over the Internet. With this, there can be conflicts such as false identity. I have examined four different researches and found results for people who meet people online, sexuality in cyberspace, relationship formation on the Internet, and the risk factors
involved in the development of Internet adultery.

People who meet people
It is no surprise that that Internet is such a popular place for people to meet, communicate and occasionally form romantic relationships. Cooper and Sportolari found that because of the anonymous people behind the computer, and the relaxed environment, online communication makes it easier for people to interact and connect on the same level, possibly creating relationships. The study performed in Cooper and Sportolari’s research consisted of thirty undergraduate students who used the Internet as a way to meet other people. Thirteen of the participants were female and seventeen were male. The average age of the participants was twenty-one years old. Cooper and Sportolari predicted that although men use the Internet more often than women do, women use the Internet more often to meet men. The participants in this study were asked to fill out a questionnaire consisting of questions such as demographic information, computer use, how frequently the computer was used, number of people met online, preferred ways of meeting others online, whether individuals lied online, and if relationships that were formed ever contacted one another off line. The study found that in the group of thirty individuals, ten of them met people online. They found that chat rooms were the most common way to meet people and that about sixty percent of the participants had lied online before. The most common lie seemed to be individual’s names. About eighty percent of the participants claimed they had formed friendships online, and about six percent said they had formed intimate relationships online. Offline, about forty percent claimed they spoke with individuals over the phone, and about thirty percent claimed meeting individuals face-to-face. McCown, Fischer, Page, and Homant found that men met more people online then women did. They also found that general, men lied more than women. They also found that while men formed more casual friendships then women did, women formed more intimate relationships. Finally it was found that those who met offline never did before speaking on the phone first (McCown, J.A., Fishcer, D., Page, R., & Homant, M. 2001).

Sexuality in cyberspace
Cooper, Irene, Mcloughlin, and Kevin discuss a study on sexuality in cyberspace. This study claims that about nine to fifteen million people utilize the Internet everyday and that it is still growing. The Internet has become a place that replaces and complicates relationships. I know for example that sending messages and e-mails to past relationships have only complicated things more. I use to send my boyfriend e-mails and he would interpret what I said in a completely different context causing more and more fights. Cooper, Irene, Mcloughin, and Kevin state that the Internet is altering sexual behavior, sexual health, and social communication. At the same time they say that it is enhancing and complicating interpersonal relationships. This article states that sex is one of the most commonly searched subject and is becoming a huge activity for some. I have two profiles online, Myspace and Facebook, and I receive disturbing messages from unknown individuals commenting on my sexual appearance. Its clear what is on a lot of individual’s minds and the internet is a place where people like that feel comfortable suggesting sexual ideas to others. Another example of sex being a popular subject online is e-mail spams and instant messages from unknown people. I can’t even count how many times I have gotten spam that is sex related in my e-mail. Because it is such a commonly searched topic, it pops up everywhere. Also, individuals will search screen names that they do not know and ask up front if their interested in “cybersex.” Cooper suggests that there are three main reasons why online sexuality is such an attractive activity. He claims it because of the accessibility, affordability, and anonymity. Cooper’s research claims that romantic relationships are easier to form online because there is no seeing the other person face-to-face for physical attractiveness to play a role on first impressions. The Internet allows for other factors to play a part such as similarity and self-disclosure that lead to a more emotional intimacy rather than a lustful attraction. If you think about it this makes sense. I am the first to admit that the first think you notice about someone is his or her physical appearance. Unless you are in a forced situation where you have to continue to talk to the person and get to know them more on an emotional level, most people won’t give the other person a chance and will turn away. For example, on my first day of work the guy I saw I had to work with was not attractive to me in my first impressions of him. If it weren’t for the fact that I had to sit there and talk to him, finding out we had a lot in common, I probably would not have thought twice about having any interest in him. Since I was forced to work with him, I was able to learn a lot about him, disclosing a lot of information that soon drew attractiveness. This study showed that sexuality plays a major role on the Internet and affects relationships that may be formed (Cooper, A., Mcloughlin, I. P., Kampbell, K. M. 2000).

The big attraction
So what’s the big attraction with forming relationships online? McKenna, Green, and Gleason tell us. They formed a hypothesis that those who can disclose the truth about themselves more to others online rather than in face-to-face interactions, then they will be more likely to form close relationships online and soon bring them to their “real” lives. The research claims that the reason in the internet is popular for forming relationships online is because of the unique structure it has with being able to find others who share the same interests more easily. They continue to say that relationships will develop faster over the Internet because of the greater ease of self-disclosure. One of the reasons the article suggest as to why the internet relationships should be important to us, is because of the social identity theory. It says that we tend to incorporate our identity and are perceived that way by the groups we associate with. With the Internet we are our own selves. For example, I am part of the Greek community at my university. A lot of the time you find yourself only associating with guys that are also a part of the Greek community because you are always around them. My friends and I have soon found we only associating with guys that are a part of a Greek organization because that it is what we are comfortable with and use to. If we ever have a date party or formal to go to, we always look to fraternities first for a date. These kind of dating predictors and stereotypes show that the internet gives an advantage for those to show them true selves without being associated or stereotyped with an organization (McKenna, K., Green, A. S., & Gleason, M. E. J. 2002).

Risk factors
Although there have been people who have found their soul mate online, there are some risks involved for people that may not view the internet the same way as others. Some individuals become more dependent on the web than others, and this can present a problem in online dating. The next article I viewed shows an example of one individual who dealt with such issues. The next article I looked at was based on risk factors for the development of Internet adultery performed by Esther Gwinnell. Gwinnell states that Internet relationships have different functions then face-to-face relationships. Gwinnell discusses his research through his findings on a patient he had named John. John’s mother had anxiety and control issues that John soon developed. He became obsessive and extremely worried about everything. John began to see Gwinnell for counseling when he was dating his wife Beth. Their relationship was violent and Beth soon divorced John after three years. John had an online affair with a women named Mira at the age of forty-five. He couldn’t figure out how their once friendly relationship through e-mails with a stranger turned into an emotional attachment. They originally met in a chat room and then started exchanging e-mails that led to thirty times a day. They exchanged photographs and soon John felt he was in love. Soon the two met in person but John felt guilt about doing so behind his wife’s back. The center for Internet addiction found that those who are either not working full time or have medical issues become dependent on Internet relationships. John had both medical issues with his anxiety and such, and was not working full time. What uplifted John’s emotions were chat rooms. Flirting with woman and chatting in chat rooms became the only enjoyable activity for John. As you can see from this study, the Internet can be very addicting, and if not careful, those who are unstable can fall into the cracks unhealthy online dating (Gwinnell, E. 2001).

The quality of online relationships
The book discusses relationship formation online as fairly similar to those formed in face-to-face interactions in terms of breadth, depth, and quality. One study that was conducted stated that a good portion of participants claimed they formed a close relationship with someone they had originally met online and that fifty percent of them moved their online relationship to real life. Twenty-two of the respondents claimed that they either married, got engaged, or moved in with someone they originally met online. My old English professor met his wife through a dating service online. I agree that it is possible to form substantial, positive, and long lasting relationship online (Cummings JN, Butler B, Kraut R. 2002).

The Internet is a great place that keeps growing everyday. You never know what new invention is going to be created, but better yet you never know whom your going to meet. There are so many people in this world and I am a strong believer in thinking there is someone out there for everyone and if they find that person through the Internet than good for them!



References

Cooper, A., Mcloughlin, I. P., Kampbell, K. M. (2000). Sexuality in cyberspace: Update
for the twenty first century. CyberPsychology and Behavior, 3, 521-536.

Cummings JN, Butler B, Kraut R. 2002. The quality of online social relationships.
Commun. ACM 45(July):103-8

Gwinnell, E. (2001). Risk factors for the development of internet adultery. Journal of Sex
Education and Therapy, 26, 45-49.

McCown, J.A., Fishcer, D., Page, R., & Homant, M. (2001). Internet relationships:
People who meet people. CyberPsychology and Behavior, 4, 593-596.

McKenna, K., Green, A. S., & Gleason, M. E. J. (2002). Relationship formation on the
internet: What’s the big attraction? Journal of Social Issues, 58, 9-31.